developing confidence and overcoming shyness

The demands society places upon us
Most working people fulfil several roles. Levels of confidence in each of these roles will vary according to people's perceived competence and the priority they give to each aspect of their lives.

The demands that are placed upon us are increasingly complex, especially as we strive to be good in many areas - for example, as a parent, partner or community member.

It is very important that we begin by gaining a clear overview of our self worth across different contexts by trying to examine carefully why we feel confident in some areas of our lives but not in others.

For example, a woman returning to work after having children may feel very unsure of herself. She is anxious because she is questioning her worth in several areas at the same time:

• Is she a good mother to be returning to work and leaving her children with another person?
• Is she good enough to return to a job when she has been away from work raising children?

These feelings may not always be uppermost in our minds but they can lead to troubled feelings and lack of confidence in relation to a specific task.

Get an overview of your life
Rate your confidence in each area of your life on a scale of 1-10. A picture should then emerge of your context-specific levels of confidence. If you have very low levels of confidence in all aspects then this requires more in-depth support (for example, counselling) to identify possible causes.

If, as is probably the case, you feel more confident in certain areas than others, you can then examine the former to see how you built and maintained your self-assurance. So, for example, if you feel confident when participating in physical activity but far less so when in a verbal activity try to examine why.

Often feelings of confidence stem from previous experience and feedback from others. Success breeds success. Shyness grows out of a negative self-concept. As your positive self-concept increases you are far more likely to seek out and embark upon those activities that promote feelings of self worth - conversely you are likely to avoid those activities that create anxiety and low self worth.

When you have identified the areas of your life where you feel most and least confident, think carefully about why this is the case. You may be able to identify earlier experiences - where you were given positive or negative feedback, where you overcame or suffered from nerves, where you received advice or training - that made you feel more or less competent.

The structure of our lives today does not encourage us to integrate different parts of ourselves. For instance, a working parent with a sick child may feel that it is not acceptable to bring this anxiety to work. We need to find a way of managing our lives that enables us to feel integrated and whole rather than fragmented into opposing elements.

Identifying the causes
When you have identified an area in which you feel confident note down the experiences that lead to this confidence. An example of this was given to me by a doctor who just after training received praise on a ward round for the thoroughness in his investigation of a patient by the consultant.

He sees this as a significant event in his self-perception and feelings of confidence. It shaped his view of himself as a "thorough", skilled professional. Conversely a nurse, whose opinion was disregarded in relation to a patient, felt that she should not offer an opinion on a future occasion for fear of such a response. This led in turn to increased feelings of anxiety and low levels of confidence when this situation arose.

There will also be experiences from your youth that have shaped the way you feel about a particular skill. It is important to recognise that, unlike that of the US, our education system has traditionally placed a far greater value on conformity and silence than it has on expressing opinions and feelings.

When I was first asked to give a lecture as an educational psychologist I realised that I had successfully avoided this challenge throughout my whole educational career. The thought of standing up in front of a room full of people (particularly fellow students) filled me with complete dread.

I worried incessantly for almost six months. Finally, I decided that the only way to deal with my nerves was to prepare myself as thoroughly as possible. I was also given a very valuable tip by my tutor - if you feel self-conscious use overheads at the beginning of your lecture to take people's eyes away from you.

On the day of the presentation I felt sick with nerves and as I stood up my knees shook and my mouth went completely dry. But after 10 minutes of the one-hour lecture I realised I was actually relaxing and beginning to feel less nervous.

I learnt a very powerful lesson from this experience that I will never forget. There are times when you feel terrified but you must continue. I would have never volunteered to do this lecture. But I have gone on to enjoy giving presentations. The relief and pride you feel in overcoming a fear will always be worth the discomfort.

Tackling the problem
Thorough preparation and use of different media reduces pressure on you as well as winning the respect and interest of your audience. Remember you will not appear as nervous as you feel.

Here's some tips:

• You may need to "act" for the first few minutes to convey a feeling of calm.
• Relaxation exercises such as controlling breathing and visualisation can be very helpful with this.
• Avoid stimulants like coffee.
  Do not apologise or make excuses for yourself.
• Remember you are probably your worst critic when you need to be your greatest fan.
• Body language is powerful.
• Instil confidence by moving slowly, taking your time and speaking in a reflective way.
• Others are very tolerant of you, especially when you first speak as they are often not focusing on what you are saying but rather on the way you say it.
• To watch another person who is confident in a situation that you find daunting can be worth a hundred descriptions in a book.
• Ask them to help you by giving you feedback and be prepared to learn from what they say and not feel threatened.

External factors to be recognised
We live and work in a climate of high accountability and judgement but with low levels of praise. All the more so in schools. As an NQT I was always in fear of getting things wrong but never in anticipation of praise.

This can lead to a climate of fear and paranoia rather than praise and creativity. It is very important to acknowledge the role of praise in our confidence. Praise does however need to be informational and context-specific.

We are all in a position to influence the confidence levels of others. We need to think what we are doing on a daily basis to promote a positive climate of praise and acceptance in our workplace for ourselves and for others.

No evidence suggests shy people are less effective
Shyness and lack of confidence can have a positive effect in our lives. It can help us recognise the areas for growth and change that we need to address. Besides, there is no evidence that shy people are less effective than others.

A study (McCroskey and Richmond 1974) found that shy people are often found to have good aptitude for their job and are just as intelligent and hardworking as there more verbal counterparts. We are all on a continuum in relation to confidence, it is never static. Take positive steps to support yourself and anything is possible.

Top tips for confidence building

• Take an overview of your life - identify your different roles
• Consider the balance you create between these roles
• Explore if there are factors from one role affecting another
• Identify an area in need of change
• Trace the roots in your lack of confidence
• Seek support to address change in your feelings of competence
  
• Set yourself a challenge in the identified area
• Prepare for it - set a goal
• Act upon it
• Seek feedback
• Reward yourself for challenging your own fears
  Acknowledge your success
  

Corinne Abisgold is an educational psychologist, writer, lecturer and curriculum developer.

Educational psychology online
If you have any questions or issues that you would like to raise with an educational psychologist, Just for teachers can help. Email us at
ep@justforteachers.co.uk, outlining your concerns in the following way: What is concerning you? What action have you taken so far? What do you hope to gain from the consultation?

You will get personal feedback to your concerns. If the issues are felt to be relevant to many teachers, they may be referred to in this column, but your anonymity and confidentiality will be fully respected.